i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
