She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
