I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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