So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
