yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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