Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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