Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
