so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
