Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize