I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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