The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I need to calm my uterus...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
