the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
