her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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