Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize