no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
