I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
