You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
