Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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