I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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