I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
