i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
