highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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