how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
