guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
