i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
