i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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