party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Boobs are out for the taking
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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