Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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