i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
