im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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