He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
