I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
