i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
