You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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