I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
