the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
