I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize