I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
