there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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