It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
