Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
