so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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