I think my vagina is haunted
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
