Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
