I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize