it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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