Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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