My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
