I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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