Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
