Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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