Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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