Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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