3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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