first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
