Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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