Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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