If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize