Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
