wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
