Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
