there's paper in my vomit.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
