i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
