I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
