'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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