Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
