Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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