my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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