Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize