I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
