that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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