dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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