obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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