he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize