I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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