but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.Â
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
