never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
