Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize