I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
