I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
