So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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