grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize