Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So much rum. So many feels.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
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