What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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