when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
