you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
