I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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