if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
