She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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