I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
