He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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